Your about to start a journey that is both fun and exciting while at times stressful. Before we go into more detail about etiquette I want to talk about the importance of the two of you taking this journey together. We’ve all heard of the groom that doesn’t really want to deal with the process (Whatever you want honey, I just want you to be happy) and the one that worries only about the budget (Do we really need that?), but it is important for both of you to be involved in the process and as the bride, it becomes your responsibility to make sure you have included him and listened. It’s all about compassion & compromise. How the two of you handle this time will be a direct reflection of how the two of you work together to handle future issues in your life. Communication is key, and you need to make sure that each of you has communicated your wants, needs and desires on what is one of the most important days in your life. Don’t get so tied up in the details that you have forgotten the true meaning of what you are doing. Two individuals that love each other so much that you have chosen to join as one and commit to each other for the rest of your lives. This is a sacred and honorable event that you have chosen to share with your family and friends, don’t let the details tarnish this commitment.
There are so many details to etiquette that we can only touch on a small portion of them. But we have compiled some of the most questions to help get you on the right track.
Guest Invites
1. Inviting Children – It is not appropriate to place “no children” on your wedding invites. If you are inviting limited children or no children it is appropriate to place the names of the invited on the inner envelope of the invitation. So if you are inviting your Aunt and Uncle, but not their 4 children, you simply place the first names of only your Aunt and Uncle on the inner envelope of the wedding invitation. Another option is to rent a smaller room nearby and arrange for a local professional to provide babysitting for the children. Be sure to think about food for the children and activities so they have fun as well.
2. My invitee has called and asked if they can bring a guest – It is inappropriate for a guest to call you and ask if they can bring a guest with them, but it is okay for you to refuse. Simply let your guest know that you have a limited amount of space and your unable to accommodate additional guests. During my own wedding, this problem took an even bigger turn. I had guests that couldn’t make it, so they decided to turn their invitation over to another person (who wasn’t invited due to space). I went from inviting 2 people, who then gave their invitation to their older son, and ended up getting an RSVP for 4 people. Even though you are carefully checking etiquette guidlines doesn’t mean your guests will. In my case, we simply had to call and let them know that there just wasn’t enough space to accommodate 4 additional people.
3. When do I send my invitations – Invitations are sent 6 – 8 weeks before the ceremony. If you have a great deal of out-of-town guests that require hotel reservations, be sure to get that information to them prior to sending out the invitations. Word of mouth or wedding websites are the best way to communicate this important information.
Gifts
1. Is it okay to ask for gifts of money? – It is not okay to mention gifts of any kind on the wedding invitation. You should not even place registry information in your invitations. The only acceptable way to inform your guests of registries or gifts of money is “word of mouth”. You should not expect a gift from your guests. You have invited them to share in the joy of this special day not to bring you gifts. Wedding websites are another way to get your registry information out to your guests, but you should not mention “gifts of monies” on your website. Most people will give gifts and many will give gifts of monies, but it’s not appropriate to stress that information to your guests.
2. Thank you notes – As difficult as it may be, Thank You notes should be sent within 2 weeks after receiving the gift. The longest acceptable time for getting Thank You notes out would be 3 months. Tackle this task by preparing 4 or 5 notes each day instead of putting it off and dealing with 100 notes a month later. When gifts are sent prior to the wedding, you should immediately write and send a Thank You note.
Photos
1. My church won’t allow photos during the ceremony – Ask your church if you are able to use the church prior to the wedding. If you have an hour or so before the wedding you can stage the photos so you have those memorable moments. Be sure to have all photos done before guests arrive, it is not appropriate to make guests wait before being seated at the ceremony. Also, if you plan to take those photos between the ceremony and reception, keep it brief. Remember, you have guests waiting!
2. I have a large family and they all want pictures after the ceremony – Again, you have guests waiting. Keep your formal photos to a minimum so that you do not spend a great deal of time between the ceremony and reception. You can always gather everyone together during the reception to get those large family shots. Another solution is to have everyone gather before the ceremony to get pre-ceremony photos and knock out a great number of those shots. Photos with Bride and her family, Bride and her bridesmaids, as well as Groom with his family, groom with groomsmen can all be taken care of before the ceremony without the bride and groom “seeing” each other.
Bar & Food
1. Is it okay to have a cash bar? – It is not okay to ask your guests to pay for drinks at your wedding reception. If the cost of a host bar is out of your reach, there are a few choices you have. Consider offering beer and wine only at your bar, it can save you money and still offer your guests a limited bar. You can also choose to limit your bar time. Perhaps only have the bar open during cocktails, dinner or 2 hours. There are many ways to save money on the bar, but if you can’t afford it, don’t offer a bar at all.
2. Do I have to have a cocktail hour? – Cocktail hours aren’t designed to charge you more money on your wedding day. It is imperative that you host a cocktail time. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a full hour, but this is the time when you are getting formal pictures, your guests are arriving, your planner is getting everyone situated, guests are checking their coats and locating parking spaces. It is the greatest way for guests to “trickle” into the festivities and properly prepare for the reception to come. Imagine standing around with nothing to do for an hour while you wait for the bride and groom to arrive. But remember that you don’t have to provide a great deal of hor d’oeuvre for your guests. Make sure that they have an assortment to choose from and drinks (even if it’s punch or tea) to keep them comfortable, but the main meal will come shortly.
3. How do I handle vegetarians? – You want to accommodate all of your guests and you don’t want those with special diets to go without a meal. Find out how many vegetarian meals you will need and make the arrangements with your caterer to provide those meals.
4. Do I have to provide the vendors meals? – Remember your vendors are working long days ensuring that your wedding goes exactly as planned. They don’t have time to run out and grab a bite without jeopardizing your day. Talk to your caterer about providing their meals whether it’s the same as your guests or a less expensive meal they can prepare for the vendors.
posted by Andrea/Cloud Nine Events
